Date: Monday, July 21, 2008, 4:03 PM
Let's offend everybody

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment

Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at half-mast?
A.They're hiring

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either

Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
cage along with a recipe.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't
gonna believe this shit."

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States .

REALLY WISH THE PRESIDENT WOULD GET A HOLD OF THIS!!!!!!


E-Mail of the Year!!
wouldn't it BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
'My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.


Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for th e costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT'll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mezamies.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt gove rnment really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin.'

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us th e undying enmity of just about everyone on t he planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America .. Thank you and good night.'

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

(Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let's get this to every USA computer

Are feds stockpiling survival food?
'These circumstances certainly raise red flags'
Posted: July 24, 2008
12:00 am Eastern WorldNetDaily
[http://images/misc/foodtwo.jpg]

A Wall Street Journal columnist has advised people to "start stockpiling food" and an ABC News Report says "there are worrying signs appearing in the United States where some … locals are beginning to hoard supplies." Now there's concern that the U.S. government may be competing with consumers for stocks of storable food.

"We're told that the feds bought the entire container of canned butter when it hit the California docks. (Something's up," said officials at Best Prices Storable Foods in an advisory to customers. Spokesman Bruce Hopkins told WND he also has had trouble obtaining No. 10 cans of various products from one of the world's larger suppliers of food stores, Oregon Freeze Dry. (Story continues below)

He said a company official told him on the telephone when he discussed the status of his order that it was because the government had purchased massive quantities of products, leaving none for other customers. That, however, was denied by Oregon Freeze Dry. In a website statement, the company confirmed it cannot assure supplying some items to customers.

"We regret to inform you Oregon Freeze Dry cannot satisfy all Mountain House #10 can orders and we have removed #10 cans from our website temporarily," the company tells frustrated customers. "The reason for this is sales of #10 cans have continued to increase. OFD is allocating as much production capacity as possible to this market segment, but we must maintain capacity for our other market segments as well."

The company statement continues, "We want to clarify inaccurate information we’ve seen on the Internet. This situation is not due to sales to the government domestically or in Iraq. We do sell products to this market, but we also sell other market segments … The reason for this decision is solely due to an unprecedented sales spike in #10 cans sales.
"We expect this situation to be necessary for several months although this isn’t a guarantee. We will update this information as soon as we know more. We apologize for this inconvenience and appreciate your patience. We sincerely hope you will continue to be Mountain House customers in the future," the company statement said.
But Hopkins wasn't backing away from his concerns. "The government just came in and said they're buying it. They did pay for it," he told WND about the summertime shipment of long-term storage butter. "They took it and no one else could have it. "We don't know why. The feds then went to freeze dried companies, and bought most of their canned stock," he said.

A spokeswoman for Oregon Freeze Dry, sales manager Melanie Cornutt, told WND that the increasing demand for food that can be stored has been on the rise since Hurricane Katrina devastated large sections of the Gulf Coast, cutting off ordinary supply routes. "We are currently out of stock on our cans. We are not selling any of our cans," she confirmed.
She then raised the issue of government purchases herself.
"We do sell to the government [but] it is not the reason [for company sales limits]," she said.

Officials with the Federal Emergency Management Agency told WND whatever government agency is buying in a surge it isn't them. They reported a stockpile of about six million meals which has not changed significantly in an extended period.
But Hopkins said it was his opinion the government is purchasing huge quantities of food for stockpiles, and Americans will have to surmise why.

"We don't have shelters that [are being] stocked with food. We're not doing this for the public. My only conclusion is that they're stocking up for themselves," he said of government officials.
Blogger Holly Deyo issued an alert this week announcing, "Unprecedented demand cleans out major storable food supplier through 2009."

"It came to our attention today, that the world's largest producer of storable foods, Mountain House, is currently out of stock of ALL #10 cans of freeze dried foods, not just the Turkey Tetrazzini. They will NOT have product now through 2009," she said.

"This information was learned by a Mountain House dealer who shared it with me this morning. In personally talking with the company immediately after, Mountain House verified the information is true. Customer service stated, 'I'm surprised they don't have this posted on the website yet.' She said they have such a backlog of orders, Mountain House will not be taking any #10 can food requests through the remainder of this year and all of the next.

"Mountain House claims this situation is due to a backlog of orders, which may very well be true, but who is purchasing all of their food? This is a massive global corporation.

"One idea: the military. Tensions are ramping up with Iran and news segments debate whether or not we will implement a preemptive strike in conjunction with Israel," she wrote. Hopkins raised some of the same concerns, suggesting a military conflict could cause oil supplies to plummet, triggering a huge increase in the cost of food – when it would be available – because of the transportation issues. The ABC report from just a few weeks ago quoted Jim Rawles, a former U.S. intelligence officer who runs a survival blog, saying food shortages soon could become a matter of survival in the U.S.
"I think that families should be prepared for times of crisis, whether it's a man-made disaster or a natural disaster, and I think it's wise and prudent to stock up on food," he told ABC.

"If you get into a situation where fuel supplies are disrupted or even if the power grid were to go down for short periods of time, people can work around that," he said. "But you can't work around a lack of food – people starve, people panic and you end up with chaos in the streets."

At his California ranch, the location of which is kept secret, he said, "We have more than a three-year supply of food here." In the Wall Street Journal, columnist Brett Arends warned, "Maybe it's time for Americans to start stockpiling food.
"No, this is not a drill," he wrote.

His concern was about various food shortages around the globe, and the fact that in a global market, prices in the U.S. reflect difficulties in other parts of the world quickly.
Professor Lawrence F. Roberge, a biologist who has worked with a number of universities and has taught online courses, told WND he's been following the growing concern over food supplies.
He also confirmed to WND reports of the government purchasing vast quantities of long-term storable foods.
He said that naturally would be kept secret to avoid panicking the public, such as when word leaks out to customers that a bank may be insolvent, and depositors frantically try to retrieve their cash.
"[These] circumstances certainly raise red flags," he said.

Obama's "Not Exactly's":

Obama's "Not Exactly's": This person is more dangerous than any
candidate in recent years....


1.) Selma Got Me Born - NOT EXACTLY, your parents felt safe
enough to have you in 1961 - Selma had no effect on your birth, as
Selma was in 1965. (Google'Obama Selma ' for his full March 4,
2007 speech and articles about its various untruths.)

2.) Father Was A Goat Herder - NOT EXACTLY, he was a
privileged, well educated youth, who went on to work with the Kenyan
Government.

3.) Father Was A Proud Freedom Fighter - NOT EXACTLY, he
was part of one of the most corrupt and violent governments Kenya has
ever had.

4.) My Family Has Strong Ties To African Freedom - NOT
EXACTLY, your cousin Raila Odinga has created mass violence in attempting to overturn a legitimate election in 2007, in Kenya . It is the first widespread violence in decades. The current government is pro-American but Odinga wants to overthrow it and establish Muslim Sharia law. Your half-brother, Abongo Obama, is Odinga's follower. You interrupted your New Hampshire campaigning to speak to Odinga on the phone. Check out the following link for verification of that....and for more.

Obama's cousin Odinga in Kenya ran for president and
tried to get Sharia muslim law in place there. When Odinga lost the elections, his followers have burned Christians' homes and then burned men, women and children alive in a Christian church where they took shelter.. Obama SUPPORTED his cousin before the election process here started. Google Obama and Odinga and see what you get. No one wants to know the truth.

5.) My Grandmother Has Always Been A Christian - NOT
EXACTLY, she does her daily Salat prayers at 5am according to her own
interviews. Not to mention, Christianity wouldn't allow her to have
been one of 14 wives to 1 man.
6.) My Name is African Swahili - NOT EXACTLY, your name is
Arabic and 'Baraka' (from which Barack came) means
'blessed' in that language. Hussein is also Arabic and so is Obama.
Barack Hussein Obama is! not half black. If elected, he
would be the first Arab-American President, not the first black
President. Barack Hussein Obama is 50% Caucasian from his mother's
side and 43.75% Arabic and 6.25% African Negro from his father's side.
While Barack Hussein Obama's father was from Kenya , his father's family
was mainly Arabs.. Barack Hussein Obama's father was only 12.5%
African Negro and 87.5% Arab (his father's birth certificate even states
he's Arab, not African Ne gro ). From....and for more....go to.....

http://www.arcadeathome.com/newsboy.phtml?Barack_Hussein_Obama_-_Arab-Ameri
can,_only_6.25%25_African

7.) I Never Practiced Islam - NOT EXACTLY, you practiced it
daily at school, where you were registered as a Muslim and kept that
faith for 31 years, until your wife made you change, so you could run
for office. 4-3-08 Article "Obama was! 'quite religious in islam'"

http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=60559

8.) My School In Indonesia Was Christian - NOT EXACTLY, you
were registered as Muslim there and got in trouble in Koranic
Studies for making faces (check your own book).
February 28, 2008. Kristoff from the New York Times a
year ago: Mr. Obama recalled the opening lines of the Arabic call to
prayer, reciting them with a first-rate accent. In a remark that
seemed delightfully uncalculated (it'll give Alabama</ st1:State> voters heart attacks),
Mr. Obama described the call to prayer as "one of the prettiest
sounds on Earth at sunset." This is just one example of what Pamela
is talking about when she says "Obama's narrative is being altered,
enhanced and manipulated to whitewash troubling facts."

9.) I Was Fluent In Indonesian - NOT EXACTLY, not one
teacher says you could speak the language.
10.) Because I Lived In Indonesia , I Have More Foreign
Experience - NOT EXACTLY, you were there from the ages of 6 to 10, and
couldn't even speak the language. What did you learn, how to study the
Koran and watch cartoons.
11.) I Am Stronger On Foreign Affairs - NOT EXACTLY, except
for Africa (surprise) and the Middle East (bigger surprise), you have
never been anywhere else on the planet and thus have NO experience
with our closest allies.

12.) I Blame My Early Drug Use On Ethnic Confusion - NOT
EXACTLY, you were quite content in high school to be Barry Obama, no
mention of Kenya and no mention of struggle to identify - your
classmates said you were just fine.

13.)An Ebony Article Moved Me To Run For Office - NOT
EXACTLY, Ebony has yet to find the article you mention in your book.
It doesn't, and never did, exist.

14.) A Life Magazine Article Changed My Outlook On Life -
NOT EXACTLY, Life has yet to find the article you mention in your
book. It doesn't, and never did, exist.

15.) I Won't Run On A National Ticket In '08 - NOT
EXACTLY, here you are, despite saying, live on TV, that you would not
have enough experience by then, and you are all about having experience
first.

16.) Voting "Present" is Common In Illinois
Senate - NOT EXACTLY, they are common for YOU, but not many others
have 130 NO VOTES.

17.) Oops, I Misvoted - NOT EX ACTLY, only when caught by
church groups and Democrats, did you beg to change your misvote.

18.) I Was A Professor Of Law - NOT EXACTLY, you were a
senior lecturer ON LEAVE.

19.) I Was A Constitutional Lawyer - NOT EXACTLY, you were
a senior lecturer ON LEAVE.

20.) Without Me, There Would Be No Ethics Bill - NOT
EXACTLY, you didn't write it, introduce it, change it, or create it.

21.) The Ethics Bill Was Hard To Pass - NOT EXACTLY, it
took just 14 days from start to finish.

22.) I Wrote A Tough Nuclear Bill - NOT EXACTLY, your bill
! was rejected by your own party for its pandering and lack of all
regulation - mainly because of your Nuclear donor, Exelon, from which
David Axelrod came.

23.) I Have Released My State Records - NOT EXACTLY, as of
March, 2008, state bills you sponsored or voted for have yet to be
released, exposing all the special interests pork hidden within.

24.) I Took On The Asbestos Altgeld Gardens Mess - NOT
EXACTLY, you were part of a large group of people who remedied Altgeld
Gardens. You failed to mention anyone else but yourself, in your books.

25.) My Economics Bill Will Help America - NOT EXACTLY,
your 111 economic policies were just combined into a proposal which
lost 99-0, and even YOU voted against your own bill.

26.) I Have Been A Bold Leader In Illinois - NOT EXACTLY,
even your own supporters claim to have not seen BOLD action on your
part.

27.) I Passed 26 Of My Own Bills In One Year - NOT EXACTLY,
they were not YOUR bills, but rather handed to you, after their
creation by a fellow Senator, to assist you in a future bid for higher
office.

28.) No One on my campaign contacted Canada about NAFTA -
NOT EXACTLY, the Candian Government issued the names and a memo of the
conversation your campaign had with them.

(Note; if you don't vote much, then it's probably not worth your time to read this)


A professor at The University of North Texas was speaking to a class on politics one day recently, when one young student (majoring in both history and politics)
raised his hand and mentioned that it appears to him, that we have losing some individual freedoms over the last few decades.

The professor replied to the student; " That is exactly what has been happening in America over the last forty plus years".

He then asked the student; 'Do you know how to catch wild pigs?' The student thought the question was a joke and asked for the punch line.
The professor promptly assured him that it was no joke.
The professor then said; "Let me explain how it is done".

"You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable clearing in the woods and putting corn on the ground.
The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the 'free' corn. When they become used to coming each day, you put a fence down one side of this area".

When they get used to that portion of fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you then put up another side of the fence.
They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side.

The pigs, which are now very used to the 'free' food, start coming through the gate to eat that 'free' corn again, and again.
You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly, the wild pigs have lost their freedom!
They run around and around inside the fence, but they soon realize that they are caught. So, they just go back to eating the 'free' corn.
They get so used to it that they forget how to forage in the woods for themselves for food; so they just accept it.

Our government has been pushing us toward Communism/Socialism by spreading the 'free' corn out in the form of 'handouts' such as; supplemental income, Section 8 housing,
unearned income credits, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, food stamps, rent vouchers, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc, etc,
while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time" the teacher spoke.

One should always remember two truths: There is no such thing as a free lunch and you can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself".

If you believe that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting your way of life, and the future of democracy in America , you may want to send this on to your friends.
However, if you think the 'free' ride is essential to your way of life, then you should just delete this email. But God help you when the gate slams shut behind you!

The only other thing I can add to this is a question for you.........................................."
Which of the two presidential candidates is the most anxious to spread around' free' corn?"

When you figure that out; I strongly suggest that you vote for the other one!
JH


PS.
There is no greater power to be had in this world, when an individual, group or government has control over the food supply.



Happy fourth of July!

Subject: Axis of Idiots

SEMPER FI

(Too bad we don't have folks on Capitol Hill willing to speak out like this.

J.D. Pendry is a retired Marine Sergeant Major who writes for Random House. He is eloquent, and he seldom beats around the bush

"The Axis of Idiots"

Jimmy Carter, you are the father of the Islamic Nazi movement. You threw the Shah under the bus, welcomed the Ayatollah home, and then lacked the spine to confront the terrorists when they took our embassy and our people hostage. You're the runner-in-chief.

Bill Clinton, you played ring around the Lewinsky while the terrorists were at war with us. You got us into a fight with them in Somalia and then you ran from it. Your weak-willed responses to the U.S.S. Cole and the First Trade Center Bombing and Our Embassy Bombings emboldened the killers. Each time you failed to respond adequately, they grew bolder, until 9/11/2001.

John Kerry, dishonesty is your most prominent attribute. You lied about American Soldiers in Vietnam. Your military service, like your life, is more fiction than fact. You've accused our military of terrorizing women and children in Iraq. You called Iraq the wrong war, wrong place, wrong time, the same words you used to describe Vietnam. You're a fake. You want to run from Iraq and abandon the Iraqis to murderers just as you did the Vietnamese. Iraq, like Vietnam, is another war that you were for, before you were against it.

John Murtha, you said our military was broken. You said we can't win militarily in Iraq. You accused United States Marines of cold-blooded murder without proof and said we should redeploy to Okinawa. Okinawa, John? And the Democrats call you their military expert! Are you sure you didn't suffer a traumatic brain injury while you were off building your war hero resume? You're a sad, pitiable, corrupt and washed up politician. You're not a Marine, sir. You wouldn't amount to a good pimple on a real Marine's ass. You're a phony and a disgrace. Run away, John.

Dick Durbin, you accused our Soldiers at Guantanamo of being Nazis, tenders of Soviet style gulags and as bad as the regime of Pol Pot, who murdered two million of his own people after your party abandoned Southeast Asia to the Communists. Now you want to abandon the Iraqis to the same fate. History was not a good teacher for you, was it? Lord help us! See Dick run.

Ted Kennedy, for days on end you held poster-sized pictures from Abu Ghraib in front of any available television camera. Al Jazeera quoted you saying that Iraqi's torture chambers were open under new management. Did you see the news, Teddy? The Islamic Nazis demonstrated another beheading for you. If you truly supported our troops, you'd show the world poster-sized pictures of that atrocity and demand the annihilation of it. Your legislation stripping support from the South Vietnamese led to a communist victory there. You're a bloated, drunken fool bent on repeating the same historical blunder that turned freedom-seeking people over to homicidal, genocidal maniacs. To paraphrase John Murtha, all while sitting on your wide, gin-soaked rear-end in Washington.

Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Carl Levine, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, Russ Feingold, Hillary Clinton, Pat Leahy, Barack Obama, Chuck Schumer, the Hollywood Leftist morons, et al, ad nauseam: Every time you stand in front of television cameras and broadcast to the Islamic Nazis that we went to war because our President lied, that the war is wrong and our Soldiers are torturers, that we should leave Iraq, you give the Islamic butchers - the same ones that tortured and mutilated American Soldiers - cause to think that we'll run away again, and all they have to do is hang on a little longer. It is inevitable that we, the infidels, will have to defeat the Islamic jihadists. Better to do it now on their turf, than later on ours after they have gained both strength and momentum.

American news media, the New York Times particularly: Each time you publish stories about national defense secrets and our intelligence gathering methods, you become one united with the sub-human pieces of camel dung that torture and mutilate the bodies of American Soldiers. You can't strike up the courage to publish cartoons, but you can help Al Qaeda destroy my country. Actually, you are more dangerous to us than Al Qaeda is. Think about that each time you face Mecca to admire your Pulitzer..

You are America's "AXIS OF IDIOTS." Your Collective Stupidity will destroy us. Self-serving politics and terrorist-abetting news scoops are more important to you than our national security or the lives of innocent civilians and Soldiers. It bothers you that defending ourselves gets in the way of your elitist sport of politics and your ignorant editorializing. There is as much blood on your hands as is on the hands of murdering terrorists. Don't ever doubt that. Your frolics will only serve to extend this war as they extended Vietnam. If you want our Soldiers home as you claim, knock off the crap and try supporting your country ahead of supporting your silly political aims and aiding our enemies.

Yes, I'm questioning your patriotism. Your loyalty ends with self. I'm also questioning why you're stealing air that decent Americans could be breathing. You don't deserve the protection of our men and women in uniform. You need to run away from this war, this country. Leave the war to the people who have the will to see it through and the country to people who are willing to defend it.

No, Mr. President, you don't get off the hook, either. Our country has two enemies: Those who want to destroy us from the outside and those who attempt it from within. Your Soldiers are dealing with the outside force. It's your obligation to support them by confronting the AXIS OF IDIOTS.

America must hear it from you that these self-centered people are harming our country, abetting the enemy and endangering our safety. Well up a little anger, please, and channel it toward the appropriate target. You must prosecute those who leak national security secrets to the media. You must prosecute those in the media who knowingly publish those secrets.

Our Soldiers need you to confront the enemy that they cannot. They need you to do it now.

Semper Fi,
J. D. Pendry - Sergeant Major, USMC, Retired